


My Beautiful Love

by Stacy LA Stronach (slashgirl)



Category: The Sentinel
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 1998-04-03
Updated: 1998-04-03
Packaged: 2017-10-17 11:58:39
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,216
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/176632
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/slashgirl/pseuds/Stacy%20LA%20Stronach
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jim and Blair discover they are each secretyly pining for the other. Jim resolves the situation.</p>
            </blockquote>





	My Beautiful Love

**Author's Note:**

> Published in "Come to Your Senses 5", published by Whatever You Do, Don't Press. From early 98.

"By our first strange and fatal interview,  
By all desires which thereof did ensue."  
John Donne

 

Jim Ellison sat on the sofa looking at the television. He wasn't actually watching it, his mind was occupied by thoughts of a young, gorgeous, slightly hyper anthropology grad student. Blair Sandburg was his roommate and his Guide. He was also the man that Jim was deeply in love with. Sighing, Jim tried to focus his attention on the movie on the TV, but it was no use, he couldn't stop thinking about Blair. Tonight he'd gone out with yet another woman, Tara, or was that Cara? Hell, Jim didn't usually pay much attention to Blair's women other than to resent them.

Knowing that trying to watch the TV was a lost cause, Jim turned it off. He had to do something, though, other than mope around here. He thought about going to the gym, but that would have too many people. He wasn't desperate enough to hit the bars yet. He decided to just go for a drive, pick a direction and go. Jim grabbed his coat and keys and headed for the truck.

A half hour later, he found himself at MacKenzie Ridge, one of the more secluded lookout spots outside of Cascade. Jim was alone up here tonight, and was glad, he needed the relative quiet of the woods this evening. He had parked the truck so that the bed was facing the city; grabbing a blanket from behind the seat, he climbed out. He spread the blanket out on the back of the truck and, lying down, could still feel the cold metal of the vehicle through the blanket, so he turned his sense of touch down. It was early fall and even though the days were still warmed by the sun, the wind had become cooler, and the nights were cooler still. Jim scanned the night sky, spotting one of the planets, and focussing his sight in, realized it was probably Jupiter--he could see a couple dark spots against the star, two of its moons passing between there and the earth.

Jim thought back over the past few years, so much had happened. His marriage and subsequent divorce from Carolyn; oh, but that had been a mistake, marrying her. He had loved Carolyn dearly, but hadn't been in love with her and they'd both had to pay the price, unfortunately. "I think it hit her harder than it did me," he thought. He'd married Carolyn trying to convince himself that he could be happy with a woman, that a woman would be enough for him, but it hadn't worked. Jim sighed, not sure what tag this label-happy society would place on him, gay or bi? While Jim liked women, enjoyed their company and even slept with them on occasion, his most significant relationships had always been with men. He wondered what Blair would do if Jim were to declare his deep and abiding love. Would he reciprocate or would he up and leave, never to return? The fear of losing Blair and the fact that the younger man seemed to be very heterosexual had kept (and would keep) Jim from ever revealing his feelings.

The way he and Blair had met was so strange the young man posing as a doctor to meet him, then Jim going to Blair's office to see him, when he hadn't really wanted to. Blair had saved Jim's sanity and thus, his life, by knowing what to do for him, by being willing to stay and guide him. Jim was keenly aware of the sacrifices Blair had made to his career to continue working with Jim; the chance of going to Borneo with his mentor, another expedition, to Ecuador, that he had refused. He hadn't told Jim about it, but Jim had overheard Blair discussing it with a friend.

Jim couldn't pinpoint exactly when he'd fallen in love with Blair, but he had been attracted to the younger man from almost that first day in the hospital. Blair had looked so cute, with those big glasses, the lab coat and sneakers, and making the mistake with the name. Jim smiled to himself at the memory. So many memories, some good, some bad.

There had been a couple of times that Jim had almost told Blair how he felt. The first time had been after Lash. Jim shuddered as he remembered how close he had come to losing his love-and he'd almost told Blair after the young man had been dosed with that Golden drug.

"God, I keep placing him in danger. How's that for showing how much you love a person?" Jim thought, but he knew Blair wouldn't accept Jim trying to protect and coddle him too much. Jim shivered in the cool night air. Looking at his watch, he realized he'd been out here for over an hour. Still with nothing resolved, he climbed in the cab of the truck and headed home, home to Blair. If his date is over yet, he thought sourly, as he put the truck into gear.

Jim paused outside the door of the loft, listening to hear if Blair was home. He was, and he was alone. That was something they'd discussed shortly after Jim had walked in on Blair and Christine that time. They'd decided to just not bring dates back to the loft--making one of them plan around the other one's dates was rather unfair. "Besides, it s bad enough having to smell the women on him when he comes home; I don t need that in my apartment," Jim thought as he walked in.

"Hey, Chief. Didn't expect you back so early. What happened, date didn't work out?" Jim asked, hanging up his coat and tossing his keys in the basket.

"Oh, God. She was pretty, Jim, but boring as hell. I like my women to at least be able to string together sentences of more than three words. Mara was a total air head," he replied.

"Didn't think you worried so much about conversation," Jim remarked, a little more sharply than he had intended.

Blair looked at Jim, wondering what the hell was bugging him, but merely said, "Yeah, well, big guy, even I have my standards."

Jim didn't reply, merely laughed, and turned the TV on, searching until he found a basketball game.

He finally gave up and went to bed an hour later, since he still couldn't concentrate on watching TV. As he climbed into bed, he could hear Blair downstairs, working on the computer. Doubtless, the younger man would be up a good part of the night doing his work. Jim lay there, trying to sleep, and finally, he did what he d been doing for the past few months: he focussed in on the sound of Blair s heartbeat. It wasn't much longer before the steady rhythm of that sound lulled him to sleep.

After Jim had gone up to bed, Blair sat, staring at the computer screen, unable to concentrate. Well, that wasn't exactly true. His thoughts were focussed just not on his work. He was thinking about Jim. About what it would be like to be Jim's lover, to sleep curled up to that wonderful body, what it would be like to kiss him and to be kissed by him. Blair shook his head, trying to clear those fantasy visions out of his mind, for he was certain that was all he would ever have of Jim a fantasy.

He saved his work, then shut off the computer; there was no way he'd get any more work done tonight. He turned the lights off, then walked out and stood on the balcony, leaning on the railing, looking out over the city, enjoying the darkness. He sighed; sometimes it was so difficult living so close to the man he loved and not being able to be with him. But Blair also realized that there was no place he'd rather be than by Jim's side, even if it was as just as partner, roommate, and best friend. Besides, Jim needed Blair to help him with his senses and Blair could never desert the other man.

He had been attracted to Jim from the first day, when Blair had impersonated a doctor to meet him. When the nurse he was tutoring had told him about Jim, Blair hadn't expected the man to be so gorgeous. So gorgeous, in fact, that Blair had forgotten the name of the doctor he was supposed to be, even though it was on the name tag of his stolen lab coat. He'd started falling in love with Jim shortly after the older man had let Blair move in for what was supposed to be a few days, but had turned into a few years. There'd been a couple times Blair had almost told the older man he loved him.

The first time had been after that whole incident with Lash, when Blair had started having nightmares; Jim had slept on the couch, so he'd be closer and able to wake Blair more quickly. It had taken all of Blair s restraint to keep from asking the older man to sleep with him. Blair had figured Jim would kick him out if he had made that offer.

When they'd returned from Peru, after rescuing Simon and Daryl, and Blair had turned down the offer to do field research in Borneo, he had wanted to tell Jim that it was love that was keeping him here, but had instead told him it was friendship. To keep Jim from getting too suspicious, Blair dated women, and he dated them often; after all, he got along well with most of the ladies. However, he hadn't slept with anyone in almost a year, he couldn't; it would be like he was betraying Jim somehow.

Again, Blair sighed. It was difficult sometimes, to keep his feelings hidden Jim was such a touchy-feely person. A pat on the shoulder, a tap on the head, a hand on his back to guide him somewhere. Some days, Blair felt like yelling at Jim to stop it, other days, he lived for some small touch from the other man. In fact, Blair had found himself becoming more comfortable touching his Sentinel, no longer afraid that Jim would try and move away from his touch.

"Oh, Jim," Blair whispered, feeling the emptiness that comes with unrequited love. Then he shivered with the cold, bringing himself out of his reverie. He made his way back inside, shutting the door behind him and headed for bed.

Three weeks later, mid-October

Jim finished putting the last of his dinner dishes away, trying not to concentrate on the fact that Blair wasn't home. Blair had gone to Los Angeles for an anthropology conference and would begone for the rest of the week. The younger man hadn't even been gone for twenty-four hours yet, and already Jim was missing him. Knowing he needed a distraction, he decided to go clean the bathroom; doing housekeeping usually helped to keep him from thinking about things. Things such as how badly he missed having the other man s presence in the loft, the sound of Blair's heart, his scent, just him. Or how Jim had made no headway in how he felt about Blair and how tense things now seemed to be between them. Jim was terrified of doing something that would reveal his feelings, so he was ultra-careful around Blair, not touching him as much, trying not to be in the same room as him because it was almost like torture for Jim to be so close, yet unable to reach out and have what he wanted, what he needed. Shaking his head, Jim headed for the bathroom, hoping that cleaning it would at least clear his mind a bit.

As he walked by the door to Blair s room, he noticed a piece of paper sticking out from underneath. He picked it up and looked at, realizing it was a letter from Blair to someone named Reis. Jim opened the door to the bedroom, walked over to the desk and set the letter on it. When he put the letter down, he saw his own name, and while not wanting to invade Blair s privacy, he was extremely curious as to what his friend was saying about him.

 _Reis._

 _I don't know what I'm going to do about Jim. I'm wondering if he knows, cus the past couple of weeks, he's been avoiding me. Well, I'm pretty sure he's been avoiding me. What else could it be? He must have found out somehow, or guessed how I feel. I guess I'm lucky he didn't kick me out. Of course, Jim wouldn't do that unless he was absolutely sure I was in love with him, wanted him physically. I know what you're thinking, Reis why don't I just tell him. I think I've mentioned to you before that Jim is a cop. A big cop, who is one of the straightest men I know. If I told him how I feel, I'd be out on my ass faster than light! And I don't ever want to leave him. If that means holding my feelings in, then that's what I'll do ..._

Los Angeles, the next afternoon

Blair sat back in his chair, pinching the bridge of his nose. He had a wicked headache, which wasn't helping him get through the tape he'd made of the featured speaker at the conference. He was trying to take notes, but he just could not concentrate. What he really wanted was to be home, in Cascade, with Jim. Today was Friday, so that meant tomorrow evening, he'd be on his way. Just a little over twenty-four hours from now, he'd be home. He sighed. Home had such a nice sound to it and it was the first time in his life that he d actually felt that where he lived was a home, and not just a place to eat, sleep, and store his stuff.

There was a knock on the door, and Blair stood up and answered it to find a delivery man standing there.

"Excuse me, are you Blair Sandburg?" he asked.

Blair eyed the long box the man was carrying, wondering who had sent him flowers. "Yeah, yeah, I am."

"These are for you, sir," the delivery man said, placing the box on Blair s desk.

"Thanks," Blair said, handing the man a tip.

"You're welcome, and have a good day, sir."

Blair looked at the box for a few seconds, then opened it to find a single cream white rosebud. Curious to know who had sent it to him, he quickly opened the envelope and took out the computer-printed letter inside.

 _The red rose whispers of passion  
And the white rose breathes of love  
Oh, the red rose is a falcon  
And the white rose is a dove  
But I send you a cream white rosebud  
With a blush on its petal tips  
For the love that is purest and sweetest  
Has a kiss of desire on the lips._

 _I love you, too, Blair._

Blair looked at the card, turning it over, then looked at the envelope again, confusion wrinkling his brow. It was unsigned, so he had no idea who had sent it. He was damned curious, especially since whoever it was had said they loved him "too". Blair knew that he hadn't told anyone lately that he loved them. There were absolutely no clues to be found on the card or the envelope. He looked at the clock on the night stand and realized that his next seminar was due to start in about fifteen minutes and that he had better get down there if he wanted a half decent seat.

Later that afternoon, Blair wearily walked toward his room. He was tired and all he wanted to do was to climb into bed and sleep until it was time for him to head home. He had no sooner closed his door then there was a knock on it. Opening it, he was surprised to see a bell boy standing there with a meal obviously meant for two people.

"Um, I'm sorry but I think you've got the wrong room, man," Blair said.

"Blair Sandburg, Room 307?" asked the young man.

"Yes, that's me. Who sent this?"

"I'm sorry, sir, I don't know. I'm assuming that you ordered it, sir," came the reply, as the man pushed the cart into the room.

Blair followed. "But I know I didn't order room service. I'd remember if I did that," he argued.

The bellboy shrugged his shoulders. "It s all paid for, Mr. Sandburg. If you really don't want it, I can take it back," he said as he turned to head for the door.

"You know, Chief, you really shouldn't look a gift horse in the mouth."

Blair turned around to see Jim leaning against the doorjamb, smiling at him. "Jim, what are you doing here? Did something go wrong with--" he stopped, waiting until Jim had tipped the bellboy, and the other man had left. "Something wrong with your senses? And why the dinner? I mean, not that I don't appreciate it, man, but isn't it a bit-- " Blair stopped mid-sentence again.

He couldn't believe his eyes. While Blair had been talking, Jim had walked over to stand in front of him, and then had held out a single, cream white rose bud. "Jim? What... I mean, it was you? Why?" he spluttered, unable to trust what his senses were telling him: that Jim Ellison loved him!

Jim laughed gently at Blair; it wasn't often his friend was left speechless. "Why? I thought that was obvious. Because I love you." He moved the food to the low table in the sitting area of the room, then manoeuvred Blair so he was on the sofa beside him.

"That part I get, man, but why now, so suddenly, out of the blue?" Blair asked, finally having recovered his ability to speak.

Jim looked away from Blair, cleared his throat, then spoke. "Blair, I hope you won't be too angry at me, but I found a letter of yours, one you'd written to someone named Reis. It was on the floor, and I was putting on your desk when I noticed my name in it. I read it.. .and you were telling Reis how you felt about me." He dared to look at Blair, to see how Blair was reacting to this admission.

Blair was smiling. "So, that's where that went," was all he said.

"You're not angry that I read it?" Jim asked.

"Jim, it's not like you went through my stuff or anything, man. If your being here is the end result, why would I be angry? No, I'm glad you read it, although I would never have figured you to be so romantic," Blair answered.

"There are a lot of things you don't know about me, Chief," Jim replied, staring at Blair for a few long moments. He knew that as long as he lived, he would never tire of looking at Blair, the younger man was so beautiful. Jim reached up, his hand cupping Blair's face, and Blair closed his eyes to enjoy the caress, feeling Jim's fingers as they trailed across his cheek. Blair felt pure desire course through his body as Jim's thumb brushed gently across his lips.

Jim sighed as he felt the tip of Blair's tongue against his finger. Opening his eyes to look at Jim again, Blair reached a hand up to cup the back of Jim's head, pulling it closer to his own until their lips met in a gentle kiss. Slipping his tongue out to caress Jim's lips, Blair sighed as he felt Jim's tongue snake out to caress his. He felt Jim's hands move up to wrap in his hair, tilting his head to a better angle. There was a brief battle for dominance of the kiss, Blair winning, his tongue plundering his lover's mouth, tasting, teasing, savouring. The need for air forced the two men to separate, both panting slightly, trying to catch their breath.

They kept their faces close together, each feeling the other's warm breath flow over his face as they leaned in to kiss one another again. Blair sighed, then reached between them to undo Jim's shirt. The two men paused long enough to remove their shirts, each enjoying the sight of his lover's naked flesh before him. Blair kissed Jim again, pushing him so he was lying on his back on the couch. Jim shivered as he felt the heat of Blair's mouth, first on his ear, then travelling down the side of his neck, alternating kisses, licks, and sharp little nips. Making his way across the broad planes of Jim's chest, Blair sucked one of his lover's nipples into his mouth. Moaning, Jim brought his hands up to wrap them in the silk of Blair's hair, as he arched his back, wanting more.

Blair flicked his tongue across the sensitive bud, then sucked it back into his mouth, grazing it with his teeth as he released. He repeated this until finally Jim pulled his head away from it, unable to tolerate the sensations anymore. Kissing his way to Jim's other nipple, Blair sucked it into his mouth, giving it the same attention as the other one. He moved his mouth down across Jim's chest, trailing wet kisses across the older man s stomach, flicking his tongue around Jim's navel.

Groaning as he felt Blair climb off of him, Jim propped himself up on his elbows, watching the other man. Blair managed to get Jim into a sitting position, and to remove Jim s pants and boxers, then knelt in front of him. The two men looked at one another, and Jim put his hands on Blair's shoulders, encouraging him.

Jim moaned, his hands tightening on Blair s shoulders, when he felt Blair's tongue licking the head of his cock. He lifted his hips, trying to push his erection into Blair's hot mouth.

"Oh, please, Blair, do it, do it.. ." he whispered, his voice hoarse with passion.

Blair slowly sucked the head of Jim's cock into his mouth, then took the entire length of his lover into his mouth. As Blair moved his mouth up and down Jim's cock, his fingers gently caressed the inside of Jim's thighs. Blair looked up at his lover, who had his head thrown back, eyes closed, and was panting, heavily.

"Oh, Blair, yes, that. ..so good. I m gonna.. .gonna... Ohhh.." Jim yelled, as he orgasmed, his cum shooting down the back of Blair's throat. Blair swallowed all of it, before moving up to kiss Jim, letting him taste himself in Blair's mouth.

Blair pulled out of the kiss, standing up to remove his own jeans and boxers, now painfully aware of his own erection encased in its cloth prison. As he reached to undo the button, Jim swatted Blair's hands away, and Jim undid the jeans, slowly pushing them down. Getting on his knees, Jim leaned forward, sucking on the head of Blair's cock through his boxers. Groaning, Blair grabbed a hold of Jim's head.

"Jim, do it, do it, suck my cock, please, baby, please," he begged.

Jim moved his head back and then slid Blair's boxers off, releasing his erection. Leaning forward, he gently sucked one of Blair's balls into his mouth, then released it, and sucked on the other one. Blair moaned, his fingers trying to find purchase on Jim's scalp. Grasping the base of Blair's cock in his hand, Jim flicked his tongue across the tip, enjoying the taste of the precum that had leaked out. Sucking on his fingers, Jim coated them with his saliva, and as he lowered his mouth over Blair's penis, he gently pushed a finger into Blair's ass. As Jim moved his mouth up and down Blair's cock, he worked his finger in and out of his ass, and when Jim gently scraped Blair's prostate, the younger man yelled, then moaned.

"Jim, Jim, oh, yes, do it, oh, I'm coming, lover, oh, YES!" Blair cried out as he came.

Jim had barely released Blair's softening cock, before the younger man collapsed on the floor in front of him, leaning heavily on Jim.

"Mmm, Jim, that was, like, so... intense," Blair murmured as he wrapped his arms around Jim, pressing his face against the other man's shoulder.

Smiling, Jim urged the younger man to stand up, and he managed to manoeuvre both of them to the bed, where they collapsed. Jim pulled the blankets up to cover their bodies as Blair cuddled up to him, head on Jim's shoulder again. Jim gave his lover a gentle kiss, and wrapped his arms around him.

"Blair, baby, I love you, so much," he said, trying not to yawn. He'd had one hell of a long day.

Blair looked languidly up at Jim. "Yeah, I know. And I love you, Jim. More than you'll ever know, man, more than you'll ever know," he murmured, his eyes closing, as he fell asleep, safe and secure in his lover's arms.

**//the end\\\\**


End file.
